Archive for May, 2009

This Sunday I have been thinking a lot about how I have changed over the past 10 years (since I began high school). In some ways, I think I am much the same person, but lately I’ve begun to realize how much I have really changed. If I asked my friends that I still see from high school, I think they would say the same. Last night I attended a gorgeous, beautiful wedding for 2 wonderful friends of mine. The night was spectacular, the band phenomenal, and all I wanted to do was converse and dance and just have fun and be in the moment. I adore weddings.

In high school, I was shy, timid–painfully so. I didn’t involve myself in many activities (to my regret, now), and I had a close knit group of friends (I don’t regret this, at all). I had no confidence in myself. I had no idea how to speak for myself. As the eldest child of 5, I didn’t have many examples to teach me how to speak out in the world.

Today I talk and laugh and smile and enjoy others, even strangers, with almost complete ease. I still suffer from anxiety as I used to, especially when I’m alone with a group of strangers, but I know how to overcome the situation. I know that I am a fun, cheerful person, that can make others laugh, and that can hold a conversation on my own. I will always have some self confidence issues–who doesn’t?–but I know that I have overcome some of the biggest hurdles in keeping me from forming connections with others.

I have many people to thank for this: some of my former supervisors, college professors, and even friends and family. I have learned by example. I have learned by being forced. And it has been a rocky path along the way, but I am ever grateful.

Today I only have a few bits of my own poetry to share–words that show the struggles I have had with my self confidence. I have worked every day since being a teenager to overcome this anxiety, and I think I finally realize how much success I have had.

Finding

I’m seeking a new confidence,
a way to say, “I’m here, I matter.”
Maybe a way to love myself,
so that I can let others love me.
Wholly.
Fully.
Completely.

I shy from your touch.
Run from your words.
They sting, you know,
a thousand prickers in my
skin and fleshy heart.
A real feeling for something
so emotionally hurtful.

Today

Nervous eye twitch,
ticking, teasing my temple,
tummy tumbling,
tongue-tied,
impossibility.

This week I have 3 New York Times articles I wanted to share (I read these during lunch at work on Thursday) in addition to a few blog posts from around the YA blogosphere.

Over at the New York Times web site, I read a great article on teenagers and hugging and how the hug is becoming a commonplace and accepted greeting amongst teens, even amongst teens that aren’t well acquainted with each other (very interesting and insightful on teen behavior).

I also recently read that one of my favorite authors, Janet Evanovich, of Stephanie Plum fame, will be writing a graphic novel with her daughter, based on her Metro Girl and Motor Mouth books. I think a lot of Evanovich’s novels have crossover appeal for teens, and I’m definitely looking forward to these graphic novels.

And also, according to the New York Times, Twitter will be partnering with several production companies to create a Twitter-centered reality series. Yes, you read that right! I’m not quite sure how that will be done, but I know the masses will be paying attention (along with me, as I am a Twitter fiend)!

And then I have 2 great blog posts to share with you:

Beth Kephart blogged about a woman that writes biographies and real estate descriptions, while also penning college entrance essays for prospective applicants @ Beth Kephart Books. (What’s your thoughts on that? I definitely don’t think that it’s right!)

Steph Bowe discusses sparkly vampires, Twilight, and clichéd romance in young adult fiction @ Hey, Teenager of the Year–a topic near and dear to my heart (been loving reading her blog, by the way).

Lovestruck Summer is one of those books you pick up and don’t put back down until you’ve finished! Quinn is spending her summer in Austin working as an intern for her favorite record label, while staying with her cousin (who is completely unlike Quinn in every way). Quinn has blue hair and an iPod attached to her at all times. She lives and breathes music, and is hoping to find The Supreme, her perfect summer fling. Her plan doesn’t happen exactly as she hoped–but she does find herself between two guys, one she thinks is perfect for her, and one that drives her crazy (but has good taste in music). You’ll have to read the book to find out what happens!

The cover doesn’t do this book justice. It paints the book as purely a summer beach read. It’s a great beach read, but so much more than that. Quinn deals with a lot of issues that teens will be familiar with: identity, prejudices, self-confidence, and friendship. I almost wonder if Melissa Walker was a teeny-tiny bit inspired by Pride and Prejudice when developing part of the story: Quinn’s relationship with one of the guys feels very Elizabeth Bennet-like, with its prejudices and confrontations (to this Jane Austen fan’s eye). Other than that, the story has a deepness to it, while also retaining the light-hearted fluffiness we enjoy in romance. Don’t count this one!

Definitely pick up this book this summer (can’t argue with the $5.99 list price) and give Quinn’s story a read. You won’t be disappointed!

I’ve had this book in my possession for quite some time now, and finally got myself around to reading it! I really regret not picking it up sooner–I’d have to say the story is exactly the kind I enjoy reading: a deep fantasy, with a wide variety of characters, and relationships that are both real, but also confusing and tangled. Nothing about this story was simple.

Skin Hunger alternates between the stories of Sadima, a farm girl that can communicate with animals, and Hahp, a wealthy young man sent to a brutal academy for wizards. Of course, the reader realizes almost immediately that these two stories are connected in some vital way–but the how and why isn’t apparent until you’re a good deal into the book.

Sadima grows up fearful of her magic, hiding her skills from her father and brother, while fighting with them to survive in a harsh world. She eventually leaves home to find her fate in town, and joins with a wizard, Franklin, and the master that he serves, Somiss, in their quest to revive the magic of the world and better lives. Everything isn’t as wonderful and optimistic as it originally seems to Sadima, and as she begins to learn more of the awful truth of their work, while also coming to terms with her own desires for the future, she makes choices that will set the tone for the next novel (and I hope more to come).

Hahp lives far in the future from the story of Sadima. He is sent to the academy by his cruel, abusive father, after a series of failed attempts at other schools. Unfortunately for Hahp, this school is the worst yet, and the likelihood that he will leave alive is very slim. Of the group of 10 boys that begin the academy with him, they are told only 1 will graduate and join the ranks of the wizards. And the boys face the toughest challenges yet before they can achieve success: starvation, lack of privacy and basic material needs, not to mention confusing classes, angry and demeaning masters, and impossible tasks.

Hahp’s story and Sadima’s begin at opposite ends, hers filled with hope for a new life, and his filled with dread and fear. Gradually and unfortunately, their stories move together towards a middle ground, as we, the reader, begin to draw the lines between the two stories that connect with two common characters (Franklin and Somiss).

So many questions are left unanswered, which opens the door for Kathleen Duey’s next book, Sacred Scars, which will be released in August. Last week I read over at BookBoy.net that you can read a free preview of Sacred Scars at iPulp Fiction by signing up for an account. If you’ve read Skin Hunger, go read this preview! It’s absolutely amazing, and I cannot wait for it.

As for Skin Hunger, I would recommend this for any fan of fantasy, especially for someone looking for something that is much deeper and darker than many other fantasy novels being released today.

What did you do this Memorial Day? Did you honor veterans, passed on or alive? (I know quite a few people that visited cemeteries or simply just sat with elder relatives and listened.) Or did you enjoy the blinding, warm sunshine (at least, here in Ohio) and maybe have a hot dog or two? I did the latter, and I also had the pleasure of spending the past two days with some very dear friends of mine.

Which brings me to my point: this summer I’d like to read more novels with a central focus on friendships, whether they be teen or adult fiction. I read a lot of stories where the central relationship is a romance, and I think I need to expand, especially after reading The Mysterious Benedict Society, where the reader sees the development of the friendships between the 4 young characters, as they face an extremely daunting task. (And I am currently working my way through The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Perilous Journey.)

Romantic relationships may come and go, but real, solid friendships are for life, and this I know to be so very true.  And on this day of remembrance I strive to remember that and also be grateful that I have been so very fortunate in my friends.

I’m currently reading Crank by Ellen Hopkins, and wanted to briefly touch on it for my weekly poetry post, and I thought to myself: Who else can I bring to the table that can even touch the edge of the power of this book? It’s raw and real and I can even barely breathe sometimes while reading it, and then I thought–Emily Dickinson, she that also wrote poetry that bled from the pain of her own emotions.

Emily Dickinson’s poetry covers a wide spectrum of topics–including death. Her life was surrounded by loss and loneliness. It is commonly thought that she suffered from depression or manic disorder. Emily Dickinson’s poems developed from the real events surrounding her–the deaths of family, close friends, and then even her parents. Take, for example, I measure every Grief I meet where she wonders if others grief weighs like her own.

In Crank, by Ellen Hopkins, Kristina, a high school junior, gives her life over to drugs. This story has been told by many authors–but the hard-hitting and biting effect of this novel lies in it’s form, the unconventional poetry where each word slams at you, packed with powerful meaning, and lies also in that Ellen Hopkins wrote from personal experience, the story being based on events in the life of her own daughter.

How do we, the reader, benefit from this poetry that has it’s basis in real life? How could we not? It takes a brave soul to lay any emotion on the table, let alone ones such as grief, loss, fear, and despair–such difficult emotions that the author has actually experienced. For me, I read these words, powerful with feeling, and as I share in the pain, I also feel the encouragement of the “we”–We are not alone in the pain. I am not the only person on this earth to have ever suffered loss. I am not the only person to fear or despair. And then there is hope.

Emily Dickinson may have written about death, but she also wrote about light and beauty.

We are not alone.

I have been fortunate enough to not have experienced that much loss in my life, yet. I have however known pain, loneliness, and fear.

Solitude

This frozen solitude
of regrets, dreams
that’ve died–
the cloud of
it blinds
my escape,
and
I fall;
breaking
along the way.

Panic

Thunder–
and I think
there’s a storm,
waves of rebellion,
fight
Yet I cringe
and cry out in
fright
of the night
only the dark,
lonesome, anxious,
night.

Hurt

So there’s the times when
I feel so lonely,
it just hurts to exist
and the heavy weight of it all
hurts my lungs and I
can’t
breathe.

I wonder

wonder,

if they notice this absurd pain
of mine.

It passes.

And then I’m me again.

But I can’t help worrying about when it will return.
—

For More: Emily Dickinson’s poetry @ poets.org and Ellen Hopkin’s web site.

And here we have another edition of Friday Plugs – my favorite blog posts from around the Internet from the past week!

M.S. Corley shares his rendition of the covers of my favorite series of books, The Chronicles of Narnia @ The Art of M.S. Corley.

Cassandra Clare shares the web site and information for her next series of books, The Infernal Devices (eeeee!) @ Cassandra Clare’s Blog.

The Compulsive Reader reviews Fire by Kristen Cashore (this is the prequel to Graceling–did you read Graceling? If not what’s wrong with you?!).

Beth Kephart gives us another gorgeous poem–this time focusing on dance @ Beth Kephart Books.

Spread the word and feel free to share some great blog posts with me!

Teri Lesesne over at the YALSA blog just recently posted a great article on censorship in the YA market. This is a topic especially near and dear to my heart, as I know I’ll come to face with it someday as a YA librarian. I agree with her main point immensely: can’t we give our teens credit that they have the brains to know when something in a novel is fiction? As a teen, I read a variety of novels, from Go Ask Alice to the Harry Potter books – and I never attempted being a drug addict or a witch.

I think this would be a great topic for study (perhaps I’ll take up research on it someday as a grad student), to take examples of the “extreme” ends of YA fiction and hold them up to real life, show who is reading these books, and how their behaviors may or may not mirror the stories. I don’t think the results would be thought-shattering, or even change the beliefs of many individuals, but it would be a huge topic of interest.

What do you think about censorship? Are teens gullible, prone to believe and “become” anything they read? Or are they capable of separating themselves from the books they read? You know what I think, share your thoughts!

For More: The ALA’s Banned Books Week is September 26 through October 3. Go here to read about the events and the most frequently challenged books.

I’ve had a long week. Tonight I tried out a cardio kickboxing class for the first time–I actually really enjoyed it. Still contemplating going back. I haven’t had much time to post, or even think about posting, but I wanted to quickly share what I’m reading right now:

The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Perilous Journey by Trenton Lee Stewart; I just finished the first book (The Mysterious Benedict Society) and absolutely loved it. The tone of the books and the style of his writing reminded me a lot of the Series of Unfortunate Events, minus quite a bit of that misery! I adored the 4 children in this novel: each had a distinct, unique presence and character that grew more and more developed as the story went on. For slightly younger readers than what I usually read, I’d recommend this one for anyone looking for something with a bit of adventure, mystery, humor, and suspense.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith and Jane Austen; Love, love, love this, even though it takes my most favorite novel and chops it into tiny pieces, inserting much more humor, snarkiness, and zombies throughout. I’ve been reading this one for quite awhile, and slowly, mostly because I’m making it my “read-at-lunch” novel. But I do recommend it for any fan of Jane Austen OR zombies.

Oh, and I am still in the middle of so many more books (I read many books at the same time, a weird habit of mine) including: Need by Carrie Jones, Skin Hunger by Kathleen Duey, I So Don’t Do Mysteries by Barrie Summy, and on and on. Will keep you updated, my faithful readers, on what I think of those next! I’m also going to be hitting up the library soon to catch up on some of the latest graphic novels.

I’m planning on posting some poetry every Sunday–a day I usually spend relaxing, bouncing around the Internet, and occasionally at the library–a combination of my own and others that I have found. I’m very into novels-in-verse at the moment, so I’ll most likely be sharing some of my favorites with you for the next couple of weeks.

This week’s topic: First Loves. One novel-in-verse that I think fits perfectly into this category is Lisa Ann Sandell’s Song of the Sparrow, a retelling of the story of Elaine of Ascolat (including many of the characters from the stories of King Arthur). This is a beautifully written, absolutely gorgeous novel dealing with Elaine’s first love–Lancelot, and what becomes of her feelings as she grows older and wiser, amidst a group of men at war.

I’d also like to mention Lisa Schroeder’s I Heart You, You Haunt Me, a very haunting, indeed, novel-in-verse that shares the story of a teenage girl’s lost first love, and how he comes back to her in quite an unusual way, and the consequences that follow.

And here are two quick poems from me:

Crescendo

I felt the warmth of your breath
on the skin of my neck
and I inhaled
my chest arising and my
eyes closed
as I clung tightly to
the pointed bend of your hip
letting myself
descend
fall
plummet
ever deeper.

The Kiss

He touched my shoulder,
staring at the burnt, auburn
skin, and I flinched a little–
it hurt, and I was surprised
and well, wow.

I wasn’t sure what it meant,
but I’d take it, anything,
as long as he’d stay.

Then I turned and he looked
me in the eyes and I couldn’t
even breathe. The bright blue
of his gaze held me still and
then my lungs burned and I
sucked in deep and he was
there, his lips on mine.

—
Thank you.